


I Thought That I Was Coping

by Rei_Sonata



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, My Versions of the sides, OCs everywhere, Ren is basically me, Self-Indulgent, THERE IS PLOT, eventually, first chapter explains everything, this doc is getting huge, vent fics, wanted somewhere else to put this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rei_Sonata/pseuds/Rei_Sonata
Summary: This is me writing down the situations I get myself into, projecting myself onto a character I made, and then having them talk to their sides (which are used as different lenses of that same situation) until I feel better about it/come to a conclusion.This is stupid, I know. But It helps so here we are.
Kudos: 1





	1. Journal 0.5: Info dump

Ren is what is called a manifestor, Manifestors can create manifestations of the aspects of their personality. Each one of these aspects has responsibilities and parts of their manifestor that they represent. Once an aspect represents more than one part of a person, the aspect gets a name that they are then able to share with their manifestor. This is usually used as a sign of trust between Manifestor and Manifestation. Other people can see these manifestations, and they are completely physical to objects and their manifestor, but not to other people. There are varying levels to manifestors, with most being able to make one or two, Ren can make six up to this point. 

So the aspects that you read about, in Ren’s version of the world, do exist. In reality, it was me messing around a profile picture making site after watching the series this is all based on. They are just characters that I get to use and develop. Which has already happened. Salem, when I first made them, was the evil puppeteer in charge of keeping the others in line. But after writing them I realized they aren’t as bad as I thought they were. So have an info dump to explain everything.

  
  


**Lynton (They/Them):** Lynton’s main representation is Ren’s sense of Logic. Lynton wears black jeans, dark blue thick-rimmed glasses with a matching tie, and a white button-down shirt. The shirt’s sleeves are rolled up to the elbows, and a small symbol of a diamond made out of two indigo books open face down is at the top right part of the shirt. Their hair is blackish-brown, cut in a pixie with an undercut that is pushed to the left but is still short enough to not cover Lynton’s deep blue eyes. They were the third of the aspects to appear for Ren, which was during the summer of her junior year while Ren was doing a Senior English course. Lynton’s place in Ren’s room is in front of one of her two bookcases next to her homework desk. Even though they have existed since Ren was eight. Lynton is the source of Ren’s knowledge and facts, as well as her skill with technology and library navigation. Their ability allows them to keep track of time flawlessly, as well as being able to recall any of the stored information that Ren has absorbed over time. Lynton isn’t the best at catching emotional and social cues from the other aspects or other people, nor are they good at keeping their temper at manageable levels. They are usually blatantly honest with the other parts of Ren’s personality, even if the truth isn’t exactly what they want to hear.

**Paityn (She/Her):** Paityn’s main representation is Ren’s Morality. Paityn has her light brown hair in a bob cut with several hair clips and pins to keep it out of her face and a set of light blue plastic rimmed glasses that match her icy blue eyes. She sports black jeans and a pale pink shirt underneath a baby blue button-up sweater with a small light blue heart with yellow rays of sunshine around it. She has several different bracelets on both of her wrists with a rainbow of different colors. Paityn was the first to appear in front of Ren when she was six years old and soon became the emotional support that Ren didn’t have. Paityn’s place in Ren’s room is sitting on the end of the bottom bunk closest to Ren’s chair. Paityn became more than just Morality, she became Ren’s emotions and empathy, she became Ren’s social center and positive thinking. Paityn uses these responsibilities and her status as the eldest aspect to be a sort of parental figure to the other figments within the mindscape. Paityn is bubbly and almost always smiling, and will often use nicknames with Ren and the other aspects. She often hides anything that she’s feeling that isn't productive and spends a lot of time helping Ren help her friends, to the point that it wears them both too thin.

**Abeline (She/Her):** Abeline’s main representation is Ren’s Common Creativity, and is the twin sister of Lilith. Abeline’s long raven black hair is tied into a large smooth bun on the lower back of her head tied with a red ribbon that hangs down to her shoulders. She often wears mascara and eyeliner to highlight her electric blue eyes and draw attention away from the soft freckles on her face. She dons a Light gray ¾ sleeved shirt paired with a loose brown belt and a dark red skirt that reaches down below her knees with a red embedded glitter star in front of a dark green pencil symbol in the bottom left side of the skirt. Underneath the skirt is a pair of jet black leggings that contrast with her white pearlescent nail polish. Abeline was the fourth aspect to interact with Ren when the manifestor needed to start her new emotional outlet, though she has existed since Ren was 10 years old. Abeline’s place in Ren’s room is sitting cross-legged on top of the top bunk of her bed or sitting on the ladder leading up to it near the top. Abeline is also Ren’s sense of hopes, dreams, self-confidence, and romantic gestures, Which is aided by her abilities of conjuration, and her ability to access the Imagination/Dreamscape. A part of Ren’s mind where dreams, daydreams and pure creativity resides. Abeline is quite loud and easily excitable. She loves the internet, video games, and anything that could be used to help Ren build a story. She tries to be mindful about her volume, especially around Salem, but can also get very defensive over what she helps Ren create. Abeline also feels bad whenever she gets a creative block since it’s Ren’s only outlet. She takes on a perception that she _has_ to be there for the manifestor to stay around.

**Salem (They/Them):** Salem’s main representation is Ren’s Anxiety. Salem’s blackish-brown hair is cut into the vague shape of a longer pixie with all of the ends bleached blonde. They have heterochromia with one icy green and the other is an icy blue, though if their abilities are activated the colors change into a pitch black. Underneath the eyes is a thick layer of black eyeshadow. Their face is covered in a black mask with a printed on white dripping paint smile. They wear a black tank top covered by an oversized hoodie with dark amethyst cuffs and hood interior but the rest is just as dark black as their mask and sweatpants. The hoodie’s right side is a symbol of a spade-shaped lantern with a deep purple flame hand-sewn into the fabric. Salem was the second aspect to appear in front of Ren, doing so on the day that she turned fourteen. Unlike most of the other aspects, the moment the aspect was created was when they interacted with the manifestor, much to the confusion of the rest of the manifestations. Salem's place in Ren’s room is sitting against the wall on top of a plastic storage bin in her closet. Salem is also responsible for Ren’s self-doubt, negativity, cynicism, fight or flight reflexes, bravery, and nightmare prevention. Salem’s abilities are shadow manipulation and astute attention to detail which are used to help spot potential dangers and combat them. Salem, unlike the other aspects of Ren’s personality, isn’t exactly able to control when they affect the host due to being the newest formed and being at a disconnect with how they affect the manifestor. Salem otherwise is very soft-spoken and tries to avoid all sorts of people. They constantly send quips and doubts to the other facets, but they do care about Ren and want to get better at controlling their ability to help her.

**Lilith (She/Her):** Lilith’s main representation is Ren’s Unfiltered Creativity, and is the twin sister of Abeline. Lilith’s raven black hair is done in a bun much like Abeline’s, but Lilith’s is much messier. The ribbon also is a dark green, wrapped throughout the bun instead of being red and hanging down. She wears much thicker eyeliner to give herself wings and a small amount of dark gray eyeshadow under her electric blue eyes. Lilith wears a dark green, one-sided short sleeve crop top with the right side having a dark brown belt for a strap, paired with a pair of dark gray shorts that stop halfway down the thighs. An emerald green crescent moon with a ruby red eye in the center open space hangs from a choker around her neck. Lilith was the fifth aspect to interact with Ren, though she has existed since Ren was 10 years old. Lilith’s place in Ren’s room sitting on top of the CRT television next to the computer desk. Lilith represents the lack of a filter, any curse words Ren has obtained, intrusive thoughts, and darker story themes. Her abilities are the same but opposite of Abeline’s. Lilith has access to the imagination, but also to the realm of nightmares. She has the power of conjuration as well. Lilith is even more hyperactive than her sister, often interrupting the conversation to say something unrelated. She often accidentally insults the other aspects but does care about a select few.

**Kadence (They/Them):** Kadence’s main representation is Ren’s ability of Deceit. Kadence’s ash brown hair is cut into a shaggy undercut pushed to the right side of the head. They wear a small amount of dark gray eyeshadow on their eyelids and have heterochromia, one eye being deep blue and the other being a harsh golden. They wear a large dark gray trench coat over their shoulders with golden fabric accenting the bottom hem and the hems of the sleeves. With a lapel pin with three golden willow wisps in the shape of the card suit club. Underneath the trenchcoat is a light gray shirt with ¾ length sleeves and a pair of black jeans. Kadence is the last aspect to interact with Ren, even though they were around since Ren was 12. Kadence’s place in Ren’s room is standing square in front of the door to the rest of the house, blocking the only exit. Kadence also represents Ren’s self-preservation and self-care. Kadence’s abilities are the ability to hide things that Ren doesn’t need, or want, to know about, as well as the ability to silence other aspects without even needing to be in the room. Kadence also has a passing ability to know when any of the aspects or the manifestor is lying. Kadence can gain the room’s attention with their voice at a normal level no matter how loud the opposition is. They are often seen as intimidating, though certain aspects can get them to soften up. They value their job above all else and they are not afraid to go to drastic measures to ensure that their job is completed.

**Ren (She/Her):** The Manifestor, She is a senior in high school but has been doing online learning since the start of the junior year after having a panic attack. All of her friends are from different schools, and they usually call during lunch and after school and hang out. She usually takes an extra class during the summer to keep herself busy. Ren usually has her overgrown black hair in a ponytail that goes down between the shoulder blades. She usually wears a gray pullover sweater and purple wire-rimmed glasses over her pale blue, almost silver, eyes. She pairs the sweater with a set of black denim shorts that go down to her knees. Ren first made Paityn appear when she was six years old. She then gained the ability to make a new part of herself appear every two years after that point. Other than Salem, who appeared the day she turned 14, the other parts of herself only began to truly show themselves during Ren’s junior year. She currently works with all of them to think through different situations she finds herself in, as well as helping them accept who they are and each other.


	2. Journal 1: Enter Logic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of the journals I wrote. Short and basic, Ren meets Logic for the first time.

“Have you written down everything you wish to get done at this particular moment?” The stranger asked while thumbing through the pre-calc book that had yet to be touched this week.

“I’m… sorry?”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, you are simply making a list of things you need to get accomplished.”

“That’s… not what I meant,” Ren blinked. “I meant that in a ‘excuse me, who are you and how did you get into my room’ kind of way.”

“Ah, well, I suppose that is fair, seeing as we have never interacted in person before,” They paused, playing with the corner of the page for a few seconds before they continued, “To put it simply, I am your sense of logic. The academic, analytical, and objectively honest part of you.” Ren sat for a minute, processing what her ‘guest’ just info-dumped on her. “Also, if I may add, perhaps you should try not to stay up so late in the future? As we have been learning in psychology, a lack of sleep can cause a large array of issues in multiple parts of your body and mind. One example being-”

“Yep! I know. Look, if you’re here to just nag me about not having things done then you can go. I am well aware of my mistake thank you,” Ren interrupted with a grimace.

“That was not my intention. I understand that this isn’t the best first topic to speak about with you, but you need to be able to manage yourself and your time. Especially with your career choice.”

“Trust me. I know, okay? It’s just that my friends come first, always have. I’m still turning things in, which you know is better than what I normally do.”

“Yes, it is an improvement, but it could be better. While I understand that keeping the connections you have with others is important, they do distract you from a very important goal.”

“Got it,” Ren quipped before she turned back around and picked up her notebook and pencil again, this time placing them both on her lap and turning around to face Logic.

“Now, where did we leave off?” They asked, setting down their book.

“Senior English.” Ren leaned over the papers by the warm light of a desk lamp, asking Logic questions once in a while when it was necessary. The two worked on it until the assignments were completed and turned in on time - before the sun rose for once.


	3. Journal 2: Ren's Food Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren hates feeling like a burden. That feeling is the worst when food is involved. a certain aspect doesn't help matters.

Salem sighed as the bickering over dinner continued. They had watched as Ren sank back into the couch, playing on her phone to ignore the conversation. Every time her father suggested someplace to order from, it was Ren’s mother who kept saying that Ren didn’t like anything from there, over and over. Salem knew where this was going to end up, the family would end up getting something simple, and Salem was going to spend the next three hours reminding Ren of the fact that it’s because of her that ordering food takes hours. 

As soon as the meal was ordered and done with, Ren had to sit through fifteen minutes of the TV they were watching and then promptly disappeared into her room. Where her morality was already there waiting for her on the bottom bunk bed covered in several blankets. But before Morality could help Ren relax enough to think clearly, the bane of both their existences that day had already arrived. Salem had no choice but to spend the meal reminding Ren of the fact that she only got half the meal because her mother wouldn’t take no for an answer, and because of her pickiness, her father didn’t get what he actually wanted. Every time she was asked if she was happy with what she got, the answer was always short and simple “it’s okay.”

So it made Salem more than a little annoyed to hear Ren’s father comment on how long it took to be ordered and to see just how much Ren wanted to bolt out of the room because of the comment. An action Salem was happy to encourage. After that, it was back up in her room, back to Morality on the bunk bed talking to Ren sitting in her chair. Back to reminding Ren that it was neither her fault for having sensory issues nor her parents’ fault for not knowing how ordering food made her feel like a burden and just being frustrated that it took so long to order because no one’s preferences lined up. It wasn’t her fault. Salem just wished they could say the same for their involvement in the whole situation.


	4. Journal 3: College

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren gets a scholarship, Logic and Salem overthink things.

Ren had been cleaning her room the entirety of the afternoon. Logic stood at their place in front of the small bookcase as she did so, commenting on the types of things she did and did not need to keep. But now, Ren sat in her usual chair, thinking over what her father just told her. She got a scholarship and could stay in the dorms instead of at home as they had originally planned. Logic was more than happy to hear the news, currently rambling about the types of courses Ren should take and what their future away from home held for them. To the point that they missed how Ren shifted in her seat.

“Think of all the things that will need change,” Logic said for the seventh time. Causing Ren to shift again, a pit in her stomach forming.

“All the things that you need to change,” Salem’s voice rang out from their place on the storage bin in the closet. Interrupting Logic’s train of thought and causing them to frown.

“Ah, Salem. Is there a particular reason you’re here?”

“Why wouldn’t I show up? For as much as you think this is a good thing, there is plenty of bad we could go over.”

“Or we could, y’know, talk about something not future related?” Ren suggested while curling into her hoodie a little more.

“Nonsense, this sort of thing needs to be faced and looked at objectively. If you and Salem are worried about something, it is best to hear out those concerns to see if they are truly valid. Salem, if you would.”

Salem gave a small thankful smile, once again fixing their gaze on Ren. Their voice automatically gaining an echo all too familiar to the girl in the room, “Thank you. Let’s start with the pacing. Your way of coping with social situations and your hyper fixations, by pacing in your room for hours voicing multiple characters responding to yourself. Do you think any potential roommate is going to think that is normal?”

“Well, I-”

“Then you have the fact that you can’t keep your room clean for more than a week. Your sleep schedule is that of like, 4 hours a day. Oh! Not to mention you are loud, annoying, overbearing, and no one is going to like you. That enough proof to show that you shouldn’t go? Besides, you’ll find a way to ruin your school year and get the whole thing revoked anyway.”

“Are you finished?” Logic said after a short beat of silence. They glanced over to their manifestor in the chair, who had curled in on herself in her seat and covered her ears around the ‘abnormal’ comment. Salem quickly nodded. “Good, Ren?”

“I’m good, I think,” Ren mumbled, slowly lowering her hands onto her knees.

“Very well, starting where you did, Salem. Yes, you do pace around and act like a buffoon, voicing multiple people. However, do you know what else you do? You write. If we can get you and Creativity to transition from physical representation to written representation, You might be able to continue your stories in a healthier and more productive manner. Under that guise, if you need to speak out loud to work out a conversation or a bit of dialog, It is something easily explainable to any potential roommate.”

“Creativity?” Ren looked up slightly at the mention of yet another part of herself she had yet to meet.

“I’ll explain later,” Logic dismissed. “The next issue Salem brought up was your disorganized lifestyle. While true on your own, Salem has solved your problem themself.”

“By keeping her from inviting anyone over.”

“By keeping her so focused on how others perceive her, she will do things she doesn’t normally do to keep people from thinking less of her. Even though she really shouldn’t. This will cause her to be quieter, neater, more resigned to herself, at least until She can get to know her roommate. If the said roommate does not like her is none of her concern. It isn’t like she needs more friends than she already has.”

“Won’t matter anymore when her grades tank.”

“Will they? Ren has done better after switching to the online school program. In term one alone, she had fewer missing assignments and only one late assignment. Quite frankly, I don’t see her having issues with any grade besides math, which even that grade seems to be improving as of late.”

“What if she made the wrong career choice?”

“Then we will have more than an adequate amount of time to switch and figure out what she is made to do.” Salem leaned back slightly, Ren slowly uncurled as they did so.

“Salem?” Ren called, “I… I know that we are worried about all this because change sucks, and it’s hard to deal with it, and I’m weird and that’s not helping. But maybe if we work on slowly working things out together, it’ll make things less overwhelming for both of us?”

“Maybe. I’ll think about it,” Salem replied. “Oh, and Lynton?”

Logic’s eyes widened in surprise, “Yes?”

“Thanks,” Salem said softly before sinking down and back into the mindscape.

“Well then, That was an unexpected turn of events. My apologies, Ren. I had no intention of heightening your anxiety while speaking about your future.”

“That’s okay, but you mind if I ask another question?”

“Feel free.”

“Why did Salem call you Lynton?”

“Simple. It is my name. All aspects of your personality have their name and representation. To know an aspect’s name shows that they trust you. The fact that Salem said my name in front of you most likely shows that I am long overdue for a true introduction,” Logic breathed out, before clearing their throat, their posture even more rigid than usual. “Hello, Ren. I am Lynton, the manifestation of your sense of Logic.”

“Nice to meet you Lynton, and thanks for helping Salem and me, I really owe you one.”

“No need, I’m only doing what I’m meant to, I only hope we are truly making progress with them,” Lynton assured before sinking out themself.

“Me too,” Ren whispered to the empty room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments with people over college and dorms causes Ren to fall into a slump. Creativity helps her out.

Paityn was surprised when she rose up in her usual space on her bed to find Ren half-asleep curled up into a ball, both her weighted blanket and her comforter wrapped around her. Normally Ren was adamant about them only showing up when she was at her desk but it was clear that she didn’t have the will needed to enforce it at that moment.

“I don’t know what happened,” Salem said from their usual place in the closet, their voice was echoed and their eyes were pitch black, “Everything was fine. She was fine. During school, she was fine too. Teachers noticed the room change and congratulated her on her scholarship, so I don't get it. Is it a lack of social interaction? Since the group canceled today? Was it the lunch call? Why-” Paityn snapped her fingers, ending Salem’s train of thought where it was.

“Salem, I know what’s going on, okay? I need you to calm down a little while I help her, can you do that?” Paityn asked as she played with one of the bracelets on her wrist. She had been there for the meeting that Ren had, where the person she was talking to snapped at her, angry that she had been thinking about what being in a dorm would be like. They were the one that told her that dorms would be the best option, only to now say that she shouldn’t do it with her habits. They didn’t hear when Ren had suggested switching over. They were so focused on getting the point across that what she was doing was unhealthy and borderline mental illness-inducing that they didn’t notice the breakdown. Which had failed to end hours after the conversation ended. Salem looked confused for a moment before breathing in, letting the air out in a gentle hiss as they went. Paityn gave them a soft smile before she turned back around to face the blanket mass.

“You there, sweetheart?” Paityn asked softly. The mass moved slightly, a head peeking out. Ren’s eyes were red and she was wearing the oversized hoodie she had gotten as a present from her significant other a few years ago. “There you are. Do you want to talk about it, or should I let you go back to sleep?” The question was a familiar one the motherly figure had asked many times before, even though the answer was always the same.

“Can we do something else? I-” Ren’s eyes filled with tears that quickly fell as she curled back into herself. They couldn’t do what Ren wanted to. Normally issues like this were handled with her pacing and making a story world to figure things out, but that wasn’t an option anymore. It broke Paityn’s heart watching it happen to her, the day was going so well until that call. A few minutes passed with Ren’s sobs being the only thing heard, until Paityn began to smile again.

“Hey, Renny? Can you sit in your chair for me?” Paityn asked, feeling Salem’s look behind her.

“Why? ‘m not in a homework mood,” Ren murmured, stifling anymore crying for the moment.

“Well, isn’t there one piece of homework you could do, even with everything going on?”

“What are you doing?” Salem spoke up, their voice a normal tone now.

“I’m offering a distraction.”

“Yes, one that will drive her further into self-loathing.”

“I’m not talking about math, silly. I mean the writing assignment. The one that she could use to… reflect.”

“Oh,” Salem’s eyes narrowed, “You sure calling her would help?”

“Who?” Ren asked. She was sitting up in her bed now, hugging a pillow to her chest with her legs crossed as she looked at the two in front of her.

“Sit in the chair and you’ll find out!” Paityn said with a slight bounce before standing up to let Ren through.

Ren slowly crawled out of her bed and onto her feet, taking a few steps before sitting in her usual chair. She looked small somehow, arms wrapped around her pillow still and her legs pulled up and onto the seat with her. Ren adjusted herself to keep the position and still use her hands with the keyboard before she pulled up the writing assignment she had to do, which was currently still completely blank. She stared at it for a while, but everything she thought of was quickly dismissed by her doubts.

“Need a little help getting started?” Paityn asked her.

“Nothing I think of is good enough,” She explained, turning back around. Salem wasn’t looking at her, instead taking an interest in the posters hidden in the closet they were sitting in. Paityn was still smiling, for a reason that Ren didn’t quite get. At least not until the soft light began to emit from the top bunk of her bed, slowly fading away to reveal an aspect sitting on the bed in a light gray long-sleeved shirt pushed up to her elbows. The manifestation took a moment to look around before noticing the three below her and gave a small wave.

“Hello?” Ren spoke out cautiously.

“Hi,” The aspect said back, moving over so that she was in front of the ladder leading down. “I’m happy you finally called for me, was wondering if you just didn’t like me.”

“Oh, yeah. I have issues with ‘calling’ you guys for the first time. Apparently, Lynton had been around since I was like, ten? But they didn’t show up until I needed them last year.”

“Oh! Okay, I was thinking it was just me. That’s a relief,” They breathed out to prove it, causing Ren to smile a little.

“So, um… can I ask who you are? Oh! And pronouns, I know that’s kinda a thing with you guys so…” Ren trailed off, shuffling her feet. It had been a while since she had met a new part of herself, and even longer since she knew that she made them appear.

“That is important isn’t it?” The new addition laughed, “I’m your Creativity, and she/her if you would. With all that out of way, need help with anything?”

Ren looked down from Creativity and over to Salem and Paityn, who were softly talking to each other from their respective places. Salem looked a little relieved, leaning back into the closet wall like they normally do, and Paityn was just happy that the youngest aspect was feeling better. Ren waved at them both to invite them into the conversation, and almost immediately Paityn cut her sentence off to turn and look at the manifestor.

“Ren’s working on a writing piece, but she isn’t exactly… ready?” Paityn explained.

“After all, creativity is unhealthy. For her anyway,” Salem almost hissed at the others, before looking away with slight guilt.

“Plus nothing I started to write was any good, so now I just wanna crawl in bed and cry till I fall asleep,” Ren concluded the summary.

“I see… but that's not right. Maybe it isn't the act of weaving our stories, but the act of moving while doing it.”

“Then is the acting profession unhealthy?” Salem asked.

“That’s not what I mean, when she paced, I was always there in spirit driving the storyline, I was the one who allowed her to see the bedroom floor as a huge garden or turn a corner into a castle. But I also wasn’t on my own when she did it,” Creativity looked over at Ren, “You always felt actual emotion when you acted out your characters. You projected onto them to help you. Whenever you did, Paityn was always there to see it, and Salem would usually be the one to fetch me in the first place. They knew when you needed to step away after being overwhelmed. My job only works when you put emotion into it, and when you want to do it. Because it makes you feel better.”

“But they-”

“Well, if I’m honest,” Paityn interrupted, “I don't think we did a very good job of explaining it. There isn’t a good way to explain it.”

“If we can’t move anymore, I don't think that’s a big deal. But all that pent up emotion you have right now summoned your creative crew here, so why don’t we try and spin it together into something we can face. Situations are only enemies until we work through them.”

“That’s, true. Really true. It’s not like I want to do it anymore, the whole thing keeps me up later than I should be. It’s just that we were planning on waning it off, but now I can’t think of it without feeling a rock in my stomach.”

“I think we have our topic. Write about the world you made. It’s time we wrap up the final act of our play in favor of writing the script instead,” Creativity had climbed down from her perch on the second bunk and turned Ren around in her chair. The Manifestor thought back to the day’s events. Every miscommunication, every angered comment, every minute she wanted to just scream, and placed her hands onto the keyboard. Though tears once again obscured her vision, she could see the words quickly scroll across the screen, it took around ten minutes to even realize that one of the three aspects with her had opened her phone to play a song she always used for sad scenes, helping unravel the rock that sat in her gut.

It took around four hours for the girl to cry herself to exhaustion, allowing herself to be carried to bed by Paityn and immediately returned to the position that the eldest facet saw when she rose up. Once it was clear the girl had fallen asleep, she turned around to the two behind her. Salem simply nodded before sinking down back into the mindscape. Looking to her right, Creativity had taken Ren’s spot at the computer, reading over every bit of the writing they had done.

“Do you think… Do you think this will work?” Creativity whispered, her eyes glazed over.

“It has to, dear,” Paityn replied. At some point during the writing session, the facets had begun to cry themselves, due to the amount of emotion that was carried by the event. Yet Creativity had yet to stop, tears still streaking down her face silently. Paityn got up from her seat and walked over to the younger girl, taking off her baby blue sweater and draping it over the creative aspect, and looked over the writing piece with her. Both sank back down into the mindscape after, with heavy hearts and minds towards the future.


	6. Journal 5: Lies Are Golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren's aspects are acting strange when Ren asks them a bothersome question.

“I need everyone out here,” Ren said to the empty room from her chair.

Lynton was the first to appear, straightening their tie as they gave Ren their full attention. Soon after Paityn rose up, crossing her legs as she sat on the bed. Creativity was next, placing her hands on the railing of the upper bunk so she could look over, and finally, Salem appeared, standing in the closet this time, causing the others to shift their attention for a moment before returning their gaze to Ren.

“Hello, Ren. what seems to be the issue?” Lynton asked for the group. Salem took note that they had their hands squared behind their back, which was unusual for them.

“I… Do we care too much?” Ren asked, her eyes were fixed on the floor, completely oblivious to her aspects’ strange behavior.

“Of course not! You are just concerned! There is nothing wrong with that. Honestly, why would you think that?” Paityn was quick to answer, causing Ren’s attention to snap to the parental facet. A golden thread began to shimmer near Paityn’s right pinky finger. Salem glanced around and noticed that similar threads were around Creativity’s neck.

“Ren, it’s normal for people to fear for those who they are close to. I understand your fight with your friend is still weighing on your mind but you were asked by multiple people to do so since you were the only one who could reach them. No harm was done,” Lynton explained. Salem saw the same golden thread, this time around both of their wrists, as it began to glow as Lynton moved their hands while they spoke. Salem began to shift forward and away from the closet.

“Besides, they were the one who kept saying that they gave up, of course, you snapped!” Creativity chimed in, slightly pulling on the thread around her neck. Ren’s face didn’t change, instead, she simply looked over at Salem. Her eyes looked hopeful that the fearful aspect would agree with them. Salem breathed out slowly, as Ren simply gave the darker aspect a nod for them to begin.

“Don’t lie to her guys,” Salem stated bluntly, causing their colleagues to slightly flinch back. Salem paid this no mind and refocused on Ren, who looked almost glad to hear the words they were practically forced to say. “Yeah, you are sometimes. However, you have your reasons. You are overbearing because you think you have to be useful to people in order for them to keep you around. You are the mom friend because you knew people who needed help and you didn’t give it to them, causing them to waste away. You care about Claus’s grades because they are stressed out of their minds and you want to hear them without that weight on their shoulders someday. Every time we are stupid enough to trust someone and become their friend, a real friend, you give them a piece of yourself that you can’t get back because you love them that much. You care about them because you don’t want to be alone again. They help you, they help me. If we lose them…” They trailed off.

“Thank you, Salem. I… I’m sorry that I probably lost Claus,” Ren replied. She rose out from her chair and walked over to the manifestation that had stepped away from the closet door and wrapped them into a hug. The younger aspect letting out soft cries into the manifestor’s shoulder.

“If I may?” Lynton said softly. The threads were still there, but they were no longer illuminated.

“Go ahead,” Ren said as she sat in Salem’s spot with the young facet next to her. Salem noticed that the manifestor also watched Lynton’s hands as they spoke, following the movements with an air of concern.

“Do remember that even though you think these things, most of them are simply distorted lies.”

“That’s right!” Creativity interrupted, her thread had lost its glow as well, “You are not in charge of other people’s health, they have to learn to fight their own demons, if you always fight for them, they can never truly get stronger.”

“Plus, you knew Claus for a long time. They didn’t have you around because you were useful, they liked you. If Claus can’t see past that fight you had and see what you were trying to do, maybe your friendship together has run its course,” Paityn finished. Her thread even becoming more translucent as she spoke.

“Guess we all lied on this one, huh?” Ren murmured with a smile. The four aspects all seemed to tense at the comment, as the golden threads disappeared into dust.

“But,” Salem straightened and pulled away from Ren, “We can’t let it be a habit. Nothing good comes out of lies.”

The other three aspects held looks of near confusion before nodding and sinking back down into the mindscape silently. Which left Salem and Ren alone on the storage bin in the closet.

“Ren, you did the right thing. Just remember that not everyone wants to be helped, you can only do so much before you have to let them drown.”

“I know, and I want to thank you again. I knew the others wouldn’t tell me the truth on this, but you were never one to sugarcoat,” Ren said with a saddened laugh. Salem shifted away for a moment, surprised.

“You saw the strings?”

“Yeah, I assumed it was what made everyone lie to me.”

“And you wouldn’t be wrong. Ren, I know this sounds really stupid, but push your concern for the others aside for now. Just know that the strings can’t hurt them,” Salem pleaded, sinking down before Ren could give them an answer. Ren looked at the parts of the room where her facets with the golden thread stood and hoped that everything was okay, though something in her gut refused to settle. Even Salem had seemed slightly off; yet, she had to trust that the anxious side knew what they were doing.


	7. Journal 6: Illogical Logic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren has more procrastination issues, and for once Logic is of no help.

“It’s already 6, are you going to start your homework?” Salem eyed Ren from their spot in the closet.

“I would like to, but I keep wanting to read on my phone. Remember that physical wall that stopped me from doing my math sophomore year? Well, it’s back for this dumb book I have to read!” Ren groaned as she set down her phone for the third time. The list of assignments sat in front of her, nagging her to get started.

“Sounds like a problem for the book worm to me.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because A: They aren’t here yet, and B: You have four hours until you lose the ability to sleep for the night,” Just as Salem finished, Lynton rose into their spot, once again hiding their hands behind their back.

“Is there a problem?” They asked.

“Yeah, I have a book to read, but I can’t seem to get myself to start it,” Ren said while glaring at the said book on the table.

“I see, and you are looking for assistance in starting such a project?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Well, I’m afraid that I don’t believe that it's quite necessary,” Lyton says in a monotone manner. Salem and Ren both looked at the logical aspect in confusion, prompting them to continue. “You see, The design of the school system is to gain and retain information about a chosen subject to be used later on. However, some of that retention will not happen if one is disinterested in what they are studying. So, if you are not interested in reading this title, then nothing will be gained from it. Therefore making the venture a waste of time that could be used to better yourself,” They finished. Ren stared at the teacher like they had grown a second head, and then quickly looked over at Salem for a nudge in the more _logical_ direction.

“Okay, since you apparently have an academic death wish, let me frame this a bit differently,” Salem said without taking their eyes off of Lynton as they spoke, “Ren, permission to…”

“Go for it, I think I need it.”

“Okay,” Salem takes a breath and closes their eyes. A few moments later they open them again to reveal the jet black orbs that have been showing up more often over the past few weeks. “Ren, you really need to get on reading that book. Not only is it an assignment, but it is also your final _and_ a group project. Meaning you _will_ have an anxiety attack, or worse, later if you don’t get this done.”

Salem could see the wall that had stopped their manifestor slowly crumble away as the realization set in. Ren’s eyes then widened before she immediately turned around and pulled open the book. Getting to work on reading it. Salem stepped over and placed their headphones over Ren’s ears, to allow their manifestor to listen to music while working on the material, before looking over at Lynton. Lynton suddenly straightened where they stood, pulling their hands tight against their back before slacking just a little again.

“What the heck was that?” The darker facet hissed at his counterpart.

“I simply stated what I felt was right.”

“What you felt was right? Last time I checked you weren’t one for voicing your feelings.”

“Perhaps it is best if I leave. Good luck with her Salem,” The older aspect said before sinking back down, leaving Salem and Ren alone in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my friend and co-writer on another story has joined me in writing these. Highly doubt that they will post them as I do, but I find it cool that they are willing to give what I'm doing a try.


End file.
